What I Learned on the Forums This Week 57

This past weekend I was at Captain Con and had an absolute blast playing Warmachine and hanging out with super sweet people. I also totally regretted not reading one of this past weeks stupidest threads before the convention because everyone was talking about it and it was weird since usually my Forum knowledge is encyclopedic but here it failed me. Don’t worry dear reader, I read that thread and we’ll be discussing it below, I just should have done my research before the con. I will say, though, that holy shit balls was it dumb. People need to fucking relax about dice. In conclusion, if you’re in the New England area, and even if you’re not, definitely think about going to Captain Con since not only can you play Warmachine you can also laugh about shit that got said on the Forums. What more could you want in life?

New England Team Tournament Report Pt. 2

For the final three rounds of the tournament I played Miserable Meat Mountain in every game. For every game I also deployed one of each of the units of Warders and Champs on the flanks with my BG and Krielstone in the middle. Just assume that deployment in every one of the following battle reports. I also got increasingly tired as these games went on, and started having a few drinks, so my already shaky memory is even worse for these. Sorry about that but I tried to include all the really significant moments.

New England Team Tournament Report Pt. 1

This past weekend I played in the New England Team Tournament at Captain Con and went 4-1 over the course of the day with my team, Dark Omen 2, finished fifth out of 24 with a 3-2 record. My team was Shane York playing Khador with Sorscha2 and Vlad1 and Matt K rocking his Convergence with Mother and Father. It was an absolute blast even if playing 5 rounds in one day made me a zombie. I thought I’d do a bit of a write up about my games hitting on the highlights. These won’t be comprehensive but hopefully they’re interesting and apologies to my opponents if I forgot your name or something relevant from our game. I was pretty jet lagged and tired for a lot of the event. Plus my memory for names is just appalling. In summary: I’m the worst and here are some battle reports.

The Scrutator Semper Chronicles 16

Chapter Two: The Brown Land

Part Six: What The Thunder Said

Battle lines had been drawn, and what had been isolated skirmishes was now all out war for the Darkfen. Unless they can push the Trollbloods and their allies out of the marsh, the Menites’ plans lie in ruins, and the city of Merwynn could be under threat. The United Kriels need to show their strength to gain allies in their constant quest for survival.

They clash in the Darkholm, the forbidding forest which clings to the Darkhills which surround Merwynn. Grand Scrutator Severius leads his men without fear, but is this a fight the Menites can win?

The Scrutator Semper Chronicles 15

Chapter Two: The Brown Land

Part Five: The Burnished Throne

It is hard to know in advance the exact point when a man’s patience will reach its limit. For some it is when the last on a heap of disappointments is dropped onto them, and they finally hit a turning point from which there is no return. It is rarely a dignified sight; the result is never something the man would do in his right mind. A wise man once told me that patience is all that separates men from the animals. That and folding clothes.

What I Learned on the Forums This Week 56

Alright guys I’m going to level with you coming out of the gate, I’ve had a really busy week. So busy that I’m writing this in one of the tiny moments of free time I have and I’m going to see how far I can get in as little time as possible. If you thought this shit was crude and unpolished before, prepare for the worst. On the other hand I might enter a zen-like trance of pure one-ness with the Forums. If that happens though, I expect my mind will melt under the full load of privilege and bitching and I will become a soulless vessel only able to make quips about how Cryx is OP and/or the only faction worth recognizing in the game. Or I could just write some stupid shit that is barely worth reading, that’s always a possibility.

The Gauntlet Opens.

Hey There folks!

For those who were wondering where my weekly reports have been recently, me and my wonderful girlfriend both turned 21 last week, so its been awfully manic for me.

Normal service will resume as of next wednesday, but for today I wanted to talk briefly about the new Iron Gauntlet format.

The Scrutator Semper Chronicles 14

Chapter Two: The Brown Land

Part Four: Those Hooded Hordes Swarming

The Menites were beaten, but not defeated! Their first foray into the Darkfen was treacherously deflected by the trollkin led by Calandra Truthsayer. Now forewarned of the trollkin presence, High Executioner Servath Reznik leads a force of Cleansers and warjacks who intend to blow an important village to smithereens. However, when they arrive, they find the village deserted. An unwary warjack springs a trap, and suddenly the stone huts are swarming with pygmies armed with rifles, and the Menites realise they are surrounded.

The second game of The Brown Land campaign saw Reznik facing off against the Hunters Grim and their warband of ambushing, bombarding, bushwhacking banditos. Under the Halfaug campaign rules, the Thumper Crews lose their greatest weakness…their Light Artillery attribute. Now armed with two ranged slamming moveable weapons platforms, Stu was pretty well placed to bombard the crap out of me. Will the High Executioner triumph or run off with his enormous sword between his legs? Read on and find out!

The Scrutator Semper Chronicles 13

Chapter Two: The Brown Land

Part Three: Nothing With Nothing

“They knew we were coming.”

Grand Scrutator Alphonse Severius’ voice was tight with fury as he stood with his fists pressing down on Scrutator Semper’s enormous desk. He had just stormed in fresh from battle, his robes torn and bloodied. Both men still wore their masks, so Severius’ expression was one of haughty burnished indifference. But his eyes threw sparks. Semper stayed sitting behind the desk, his own eyes unreadable.

“It was a pagan site, they could have been investigating it to see what hellish energies they could consume.”

“I don’t believe in coincidence, Victus. When everything gets covered in shit, I start looking for the arsehole that did it. Those mercenaries were paid extra to be discrete, so that leaves-”

What I Learned on the Forums This Week 55

Apologies in advance for the slight late-ness of this article, I had meant to have it written last night but got distracted by some apple-pie flavoured moonshine. It was delicious. On the upside someone pointed out another thread I had missed in the meantime so this weeks installment will be slightly longer than usual! We’re all winners in the end is what I’m trying to say. I had a lovely vacation in Prague in case you were wondering. I didn’t even look at the Forums once over my week off and that was delightful. Also central European food is pretty tasty even if I’m pretty sure I can hear the sound of my arteries clogging as I eat it. Fried cheese is a glorious thing…. Anway, my food related ramblings aside let’s discuss a far more important topic: people saying shit on the internet.