What I Learned on the Forums This Week 16

It was one hell of a week this week so we’re going to run a little long. Bear with me as I vent some steam.

Searforge is the only faction to not get a Novice Warcaster!

Two big nuggets of truth to learn from this post: Searforge is definitely a faction, anyone who says otherwise will be beaten into submission by short whining dwarf players, and Convergence is not a faction. Now I’m sure a lot of you thought that neither of those things were true, except maybe the bit about Dwarf players being crazy, but none of the rest of that stuff. Clearly you are mistaken since Searforge Players are the most oppressed player group in the world. They haven’t gotten any releases recently except for at least one new model or unit in every book and a colossal coming soon but besides that they haven’t gotten anything! Seriously PP what the fuck? The Novice Warcasters was the last straw! Sure reasonable Mercenaries players can use Gastone Crosse and he’s eligible for all non-Searforge contracts but that’s just further insult to the Searforge Faction! Why have they alone been neglected? Searforge has several models coming out in the future that Retribution didn’t have at launch 3 years ago so clearly they’re a faction! Also just ignore the existence of Convergence or else this argument will look even stupider than it already is.

Thor is basically as good as a Jr. so why complain?

Getting releases promptly is awful! Also everything is a faction?

One thread this week decided to engage in one of the more absurd dick measuring competitions I’ve ever seen: who has gone the longest without a release. The starting point was a poster complaining about Warmachine getting stuff before all of Gargantuans was out. From there it moved to Cryxians whining that they hadn’t gotten a release in 11 months and therefore were the only faction that could ‘legitimately’ complain about not getting a release. Pro-tip: you are never the only exception. If people are being dumb for whining about something it’s not everyone excluding you, it’s everyone including you. So far so standard for the forums but then the crazies came out to play. Searforge (totally a faction!) hasn’t gotten a new warjack since the launch of Mark II!! The new Rhulic Colossal totally doesn’t count! Pirates haven’t gotten a new release since they got their Mark I book! Galleon is obviously not a pirate model even though he looks like a pirate model, has a name like a pirate model, can be played with pirate models and was commissioned by a pirate. Given how much bitching and moaning Rhulic and Pirate players have been doing now that they’re actually getting models for their ‘factions’ I would like to suggest that they are never given another release again. That might at least shut them up. In fact I’m going to write an open letter to PP on the forums about this! That will accomplish my goal!

Dear PP: Please Errata everything!

This week Lich2 got an errata nerfing his Feat. If you’ve never spent time on an internet forum you might have expected the discussion of this errata to focus on how it pertains to Lich2 and his role in the game overall. The rest of us, though, expected what actually happened. The discussion veered wildly away to talk about what other models/rules/things needed an errata. Haley2 being the obvious target with people even demanding that her feat be nerfed as payment for the Lich2 change while others just declared her the next target in the inevitable game revisions. Then someone wrote the super practical open letter to PP asking for changes to the Gargantuans to make them better. Eventually, and inevitably, the discussion turned into a series of demands for a Mark III re-boot of the game. Someone even said they enjoyed the Field Test. I can only assume they play Warmachine from a mental asylum somewhere. I’m not sure where to go with this, I just thought you should now that people were posting stupid shit on the internet I guess. Big surprise that…

What do I have to do with this discussion? Fucking nothing!

Searforge players are assholes but don’t seem to know it.

Warning: this is going to be a rant. So there’s been a bit of a Searforge Renaissance on the Forums recently and one of the things that has come with it is the arrival of quite a few Searforge players who are just assholes but seem entirely unaware of that. For the benefit of these morons I’m going to explain why the rest of the Mercenaries community loathes you guys. Firstly, you’re selfish and rude. Whenever Mercenaries gets something nice there’s always at least one Searforge player bitching about how it isn’t something for Searforge and therefore useless. Look guys, the rest of us play this faction called Mercenaries, you may have heard of it, and we like getting cool new models. We would appreciate it if the psychotic sub-faction within Mercenaries didn’t constantly demand that we not be given anything good because they want cool models. Whenever you post shit like this all we hear is ‘Me me me give me models fuck everybody else!’ It’s annoying so stop it. You’re acting like toddlers but at least toddlers don’t know any better. Secondly, you live in a weird bubble where you refuse to admit you have bad match ups and are jerks when it’s pointed out to you. Mercenaries as a faction have some rough match ups. We don’t have a ton of great anti-Cryx tech. Searforge is by it’s nature a skew list and can only ask or answer a handful of questions on its own. That’s not to say it’s bad but in a multi-list tournament with only Searforge you’re gonna have a rough time if the field is balanced. I’m not here to stop you from doing that anyway I’m just saying it’s something to be aware of if you ever want to break into top-tier competitive play. If you don’t that’s also fine. What I object to is when instead of admitting that the obvious is true you insist that Searforge has no bad match-ups and people just need to L2P The worst case of this I saw was someone telling a new player who was struggling with a Searforge list that he was clearly just bad at the game and should suck less. That’s a douchey thing to do so stop it. In summary, stop being assholes and we’ll stop calling you out on being assholes. Cheers from the rest of the Mercenaries community.

Hero Thread: 2013 WTC finals table’s by Theproffet by theproffet

So technically this one was already a Hero Thread a little while ago along with another WTC finals table. The reason we’re re-visiting this one is that theproffet has started on his second table for the WTC finals. This one is a construction site for a Menoth Cathedral and it looks like it’s going to be pretty goddamn epic. You should check out his work in progress and if you haven’t already been following this thread you should be now!

I’m going to close this week with one of my favorite exchanges ever to be filmed. It comes to us courtesy of the Coen Brothers’ movie Burn After Reading.
CIA Superior: What did we learn, Palmer?

CIA Officer: I don’t know, sir.

CIA Superior: I don’t fuckin’ know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.