One of my favorite reactions to people encountering these articles for the first time is the exclamation ‘Is this motherfucker serious?’ That, or similar statements, is a pretty common first impression of this series and I do so enjoy not helping to explain it to anyone who might be confused about what exactly it is I do here. That said, I think this week gets a bit crazy so let’s all just remember that this is a comedy series about comedy, laughs and, most of all, exaggeration. Also the WTC is just around the corner now and I’m unreasonably excited about it! I’m most excited to see Overload member Ciaran ‘Bulging Videos’ Bolger fight the Aussies in a mind scarringly gruesome kilt wrestling match. Don’t pretend you guys didn’t know I was a mental sadist, I read the Forums every day.
Synergy is inherent and always present!
All models have Synergy, that’s a fact. Synergy is always present inherently within the model itself, there is no need for outside interactions for Synergy to happen. Kriel Warriors have Synergy with the Fell Caller regardless of whether you took a Fell Caller in your list so why bother bringing him up. This indisputable law of PP game design is very useful. It’s how I can compare a five point model against a different five point model without worrying that I’m leaving something out since both models already contain all of the possible Synergistic options. Some people, however, don’t understand this fact. They think that changing the point size of a game would somehow affect the number of Synergy options available to a model. They live in some bizarro world where some models are better at higher point games because more Synergy can be brought to support them. That’s madness because Man-o-Wars exist. Fact. Also Thrullgs are worse than Epic Eiryss. These things disprove your entire argument. My words have inherent Synergy with the truth so your opinions can suck it!
PP are obviously ignoring me and my demands!
Goddammit PP it’s 2014 why can’t you do all the things I want you to do already? What’s with this limit in the number of PMs I can store and the number of images I can host on your forums? Are you trying to limit the amount of data any individual can store because you have thousands of people on your forums and no way of knowing how much data each one of them will require? That seems shitty. You should fix these problems for me right now. It’s way easier for you to change your company policies towards your entire Forum-using fanbase than for me to host images in imgur or photobucket and learn to delete PMs. I know you’re reading my posts and multiple angry rant threads about this and similar shit and you’ve apparently chose to do nothing about it. I know you’re not doing anything because I use my army of remote control drones to observe your head offices at all times. I see Simon sitting there watching cat videos on Youtube while writing ignoring his giant To Do list with ‘Fix the Fucking Forums for That One Dude’ written on it in giant flaming letters. If I didn’t have those drones then it would just be unreasonable of me to demand that PP inform me of all their thoughts on each and every business decision as well as any plans they might have in the future to slightly alter one of their services that I make use of. Also to all those people who think I’ve taken a hostile tone go fuck yourselves and your mothers you shit-brained sheep. You’re the ones who are introducing hostile language into this seriously fucking important thread. Douchebags.
Cygnar is the favorite son, Ret is the neglected child.
PP has gone all Space Marine on fucking Cygnar and is giving them preferential treatment for releases. They’re getting a new character ‘jack before the year is out and not everything from Exigence will even have been released by then. PP is clearly speeding up the release cycle for Cygnar because nobody plays Hordes and they want their favorite faction to get special treatment and toys sooner rather than later. That’s why Cygnar got Sturgis even though they didn’t do anything to deserve it. Not like Ret who has always been a hard working child going to the salt mines every day. They even share their salt with the world like the generous humanitarians they are not like fucking Cygnar who just sit around on their throne of gold and skulls not giving a shit. Ret should have gotten Sturgis not Cygnar, that would have been way more fair. Cygnar always gets everything first. Stormwall was first, Tempest Blazers were first, they even got the first Battle Engine even though it was fourth! That’s who much PP loves Cygnar they somehow released the Storm Strider as first in our minds even though it was actually released fourth! That is some serious favoritism right there. The only way to fix this travesty of a situation is for us to agitate and bitch as much as we can on the forums until we get what we want. If we have to we can totally go all Cain on Cygnar’s stupid Abel loving ass.
Let’s fix Warmachine by totally changing it!
I love Warmachine and presumably, if you’re here, so do you. It’s pretty great. However, you do have to ask yourself: could it be better? Of course! With that in mind I propose three teeny tiny itty bitty super simple house rules to fix Warmachine. You’d be amazed at the staggering repercussions these infinitesimally small changes could have on the game. First, we switch to alternating activations. No biggy, just change the fundamental way the game is played. Sure you should probably lay out some ideas for how many activations should be allowed before play alternates but that would be breaking our only simple changes rule! Second, assassination is no longer a victory condition we now play scenarios with turn limits. This will be way better since now you can get tons of work out of your warcaster without having to worry about that pesky losing the game thing I hear so much about. Lastly, Focus blows chunks we now only use Fury for everything. Fury is obviously the better system and frankly the game is an imbalanced mess right now since Warmachine just can’t compete. Menoth warjacks that generate their own Fury seem perfectly fine to me as does Fury 10 Harbinger. Seems legit. So there you go, next time you play Warmachine with a friend introduce these tiny little rules changes to them. Just say something like: ‘Hey Sharron, new Infernal rulings came in and added a few minor patches to the game that we should try out. Those crazy mad-men have gone and done their baseless rules re-writing but before we go bitch about it on the forums let’s try out their new ideas.’ I bet you’ll never go back to the old way of playing.
Hero Thread: Motley Gators : Commissioned work by my 3 y.o. daughter by grungolah
I really wasn’t sure what to expect from this thread. I clicked it just to see what the hell that title meant. What I found was sort of fascinating and quite endearing. The thread is about a father who has kindly let, maybe even encouraged, his 3 year old daughter paint his Gatormen models. While his daughter does a bit of a messy job of it he goes through afterward and tidies up the paint jobs and fills in the detail work. What you get is a bizarre but kind of intriguing paint scheme with lots of vibrant day-glo colours. His posts about the process and why he’s doing it are also pretty great.
That’s all for this week, thanks for reading!