It’s Gen Con weekend which means spoilers and spoilers mean Forum Rage! Honestly this wasn’t quite as bad as I expected, it was no Templecon for example. Xerxis2 had a surprisingly positive reception, probably the most positive for a battle engine war-noun, which I did not see coming. The Neraph had no complaints and the majority seemed to like Abby2. That said, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine and you certainly didn’t come here for that sort of content. You want to see the shit, and I gladly provide it! Hope you enjoy!
PP are jerks about spoilers apparently.
A PP staffer posted spoiler photos of some of the cards from the Gen Con pre-releases on Twitter but he only showed you one part of one of the cards! While you might think I was grateful that they generously provided us with this tantalizing preview before the doors to the con opened you’d be wrong. Your ignorance of the broader conspiracy is as laughable as it usually is. PP only showed the most exciting part of the card to tempt you into foolishly buying their model whereupon you’d learn what a giant steaming pile of shit that model truly is. Why else would they preview a card than to mislead you to steal your money!? It’s not like you were going to buy that model anyway. They intentionally designed terrible models to trick you like this because they are villains modeled after Gene Hackman’s Lex Luthor. No scheme is too insane to make a few quick bucks. We certainly shouldn’t ever show gratitude towards them for anything, that would be exactly what they want! We must struggle on in our tin foil hats objecting to every time someone does something nice!
Zap Bradigus is way underwhelming.
He has literally no good match ups. Every faction will just crush him trivially because Wolds are super shitty and unplayable. Seriously what does he do against any faction? All the Wolds will be alpha-ed trivially and blown up by that alpha. Even if you can deny the alpha they’ll be shot to pieces because Wolds are super easy to shoot off the table. Caine2 will just shoot him off the table while he has Flesh of Clay and an army full of Shield Guards. He has literally zero good match ups against any of the popular war-nouns in every faction. He also can’t crack ARM at all. It takes 5 stacks of Synergy, a nigh impossible task to get, to make any Wold effectively able to mess up a heavy. Woldguardians that aren’t at least POW 22 don’t one round anything. POW 18 Wold Wardens seem pretty shitty, they better be POW 20 before they even think about taking on a heavy. How does he plan to kill Colossals at all? I mean sure Vyross2 seems to do it with Griffons that are Focus limited but he’s got awesome Ret synergy bonuses. It’s not like Zap has a Feat to help him deliver the Wolds to enemy heavies by giving them a huge boost to their speed. He’s also super complicated to play with that finesse heavy Feat and having to build in a non-standard way for Circle. Some chumps will claim that this is ‘skill intensive’ but that’s just another word for bad. Players who have lots of skill still play the OP ‘casters and ‘locks. If ‘skill intensive’ were a thing why wouldn’t these players use shitty models and unlock their potential? People who claim that Zap is hard to use are just postponing the inevitable and irrefutable conclusion that he’s bad warlock and should feel bad.
Pigs could totally still get a Pork Node…totally…
Distraction totally doesn’t take the possibility of a pork-node off the table. After all Cygnar has one and they have Rebuke which is directly comparable to Distraction. Besides the Denny’s and Haley’s get Arc Nodes so why shouldn’t Pigs get one? No I don’t understand the differences between factions or the Focus vs. Fury system. I also don’t understand the irony in complaining about the fact that Denny1 is allowed to have an Arc Node while demanding one for the sub-faction that has both Distraction and Crippling Grasp on Warlocks.
Borka2 is worse now because pointless comparisons!
Xerxis2 completely negated Borka2 by being a completely different model with completely different rules! Both are Cavalry and have a POW 15 weapon which makes them similar enough for comparison. Let’s ignore the differences between being a Large Base and being a Battle Engine because fuck that sort of insightful discussion. Instead let’s point out how theoretically it’s super easy for Xerxis2 to ride up to enemy models and do a shit ton more work than Borka2 can do in a single round because he doesn’t have any crit effects and crit effects are the worst thing in the entire game. Xerxis can become MAT 10 by bonding to a Krea and casting it’s animus! That is such bullshit, it takes a whole 3 point insanely good support solo to make Borka2 MAT 10! Borka2 does literally nothing in the games he’s played in because having a decent melee presence and an awesome Feat plus some cool spells is nothing. What he desperately needs is for Snow Shroud to be cost 1 and not an upkeep so he can spam it and affect all his models with his pretty mediocre Feat. I really wish Borka2 hadn’t become so much shittier because other factions got cool new toys. Why does Helga have Borka1’s Mark I Feat? Whatever the reason it clearly makes Borka2 a worse model as a result.
Abby2 needs a real damage buff and good spells.
Abby2 can buff damage on her Feat for sure but that’s not really good enough for me especially with her completely dead spell list. Return Fire has absolutely zero use because discouraging people from shooting my Ravagores is a complete waste of a spell. Why would I Return Fire when I could Tenacity, since those two abilities don’t stack as per Rules of Buffing 7a. Psycho Surgery is super dumb because beasts are one-rounded 100% of the time without fail, that’s why Abby1’s Feat never got used once in the entire game. Fortify is okay but ARM 22 Carniveans don’t seem stellar because Purification exists in the game which negates all buffs. That leaves Teleport and her Feat. Also I suppose she gives free charges to her whole battle group, as well as a situational MAT buff, which could be seen as impacting the overall potential damage of her battle group but that’s too complicated for me. I want raw +damage or bust. Once per game buffs to damage and granting Reach + better mobility is pretty bland really. Not impressed, try again PP.
Positivity Thread: Jaga-Jaga Spoilers!
In a not so shocking twist, Minions players are super happy with Jaga-Jaga because she’s amazing. No negativity here. This one got picked out in part because I’m now unreasonably excited about Jaga-Jaga. Totally going to buy some more gators now…
That’s all for now, thanks for reading!