What I Learned on the Forums This Week 58

forums

Alright folks, its Gen Con this weekend and that means new spoilers. New spoilers means new forum rage and stupid entitlement. That often means enough content for a special edition of On the Forums! I’ll be reading those threads over the next few days and probably sharing my opinions on them with the rest of you guys in due course. This has resulted in this weeks edition being slightly shorter, though. For now lets look back on the pre-Gen Con forum arguments, many of which will include discussions of models that will likely already have been spoiled by the time you’re reading this! I’m so cutting edge on my reporting. Truth.

Legion is getting a unit that spawns Incubi!

The new Strider Blightblades unit is described as having weapons that ‘infect’ their enemies when they hit them. Since we all know that Privateer Press staff is entirely composed of Word Wizards, a less form of Word Lord, there is only one thing this could mean: their attacks spawn incubi! The rule that causes the inflictor to make incubi is called infect so there’s no way this perfectly normal English language word could have any other meaning. We’re not unreasonable though, we understand that a unit of six models with two attacks each can’t just make more incubi. Creating 12 incubi in a turn would be unreasonable. Maybe it’s just Crit Put A New Solo Into Play That Has Two Attacks and Can Immediately Activate. That seems fine. Or else maybe it’s like Shanghai so they have to be in a gang position meaning they can only make like 3 or so extra models with new attacks. Or else it could be a new continuous effect thing that kills a model and replaces them with an incubi in your opponents turn. Extra book keeping is what incubi pretty desperately need. In any case so long as these guys have acrobatics, parry, and one version of this rule they’ll be viable. Anything else and they can go on the shit pile.

Skorne needs and ARM cracking unit!

The Praetorian Keltarii have also been previewed and my fingers are crossed that they’ll finally fulfill a much needed niche in Skorne: infantry what cracks ARM. I’m so sick of having to use Titans, Gatormen Posse, Cataphracts, or one of the several Skorne Warlocks with a serious damage buff to get serious high damage out put from my infantry. Why should I have to play Rasheth, Xerxis or Zaal to get serious high damage out put from my units? Don’t even mention Posse + Task Master to me, if I wanted to use non-Skorne models I wouldn’t play Skorne. I need all the options within my own faction. Hopefully this unit is some kind of Weapon Master so that we can finally get more options for cracking high ARM in the faction that’s best in the game at cracking high ARM. This very much feels like a niche Skorne is desperately trying to fill, for sure.

Back in my day when Skorne players complained about not hitting hard enough we just yelled ‘BRONZEBACKS’ at them until they went deaf.

PP shouldn’t cater to Women because sexism!

99% of the people who play Warmachine are men: Fact. So given that this is the audience that buys PP’s games why shouldn’t PP just target all of their releases at the sweaty neckbeards who already play the game? The population of people who buy PP’s products is pretty much homogeneous so that’s clearly the target PP is going for with all of its releases. They are of course homogeneous in my eyes since I don’t see race or nationality, I only see gender. The only question I ask myself when I look at someone new is: do they have a cock? If not then I don’t give them any mind. Women don’t like tabletop gaming: Fact. I’m not being judgmental by implying that they should stay the fuck out of my hobby and stick with scrap booking. I’m just saying this bitches should stay in the kitchen, but in a totally non sexist way. Women are fundamentally not interested in wargaming at a biological level so why should we bend over backwards to try and promote what is clearly scientifically impossible? We should just let that minority of acceptable ‘true nerd’ girls who are actually attracted to the game come and play while doing nothing to change our behavior to make ourselves a more accepting and enjoyable place for them to hang out. In summary: don’t take away my pin up models and/or replace them with beefcake models because I’m a sexist shitfaced moron who can’t understand even the basics ideas of gender relations. I like my hobbies like I like my barbecues: full of sausage and with no women in sight.

Hero Thread: ETC Trollbloods Winners Report by Archnomad

As much as it pains me to recognize a treacherous Scotsman on this hallowed Irish blog I’ll give some credit to Mr. Cruickshanks for his teams win at the recent ETC held in Stockport, England. He didn’t do write ups of all of his games due to his inferior northern memory but he did do two interesting write ups of his last two games and has a decent discussion of his variant on the Miserable Meat Mountain. Check em out if you like Trollbloods.

Spoiler Alert: It involves these dudes, but not Horthol!

That’s all for now, thanks for reading!

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One thought on “What I Learned on the Forums This Week 58

  1. Gah, discussions of “what Skorne needs” always make me want to find the nearest clock tower. I swear, if I hear one more person declare “this is what Skorne needs to be good” I’m going to cock punch someone.

    Or just stew in impotent rage and make snarky comments. Probably that last one.

    Great work as always!

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