Hello everyone! It’s been a little under a week since Lock and Load and that makes it prime Forum reading time! There weren’t that many new spoilers or surprise releases at Lock and Load so the Forums aren’t completely raving mad, this isn’t Templecon we’re talking about here, but there was enough to fuel a longer than normal entry this week. Trollbloods got new releases which means it’s a good time to be a forum commentator because those guys never like anything when it’s released. Maybe it’s all the beer in there but Troll players have the worst gut reactions to models of anyone, it’s fascinating to watch especially since I play Trolls. Don’t worry, though, this isn’t all Troll bashing. I am an equal opportunity mocker. Without further wasted introduction let’s get started!
Borka2 would be better if he were worse but funnier! Also needs to be harder to kill.
Let us leave the debate as to whether Borka2 is a viable competitive choice to the side for the moment. Debating actual viability in play, competitive or otherwise, is not what the Forums are for. Instead, let us make very clear that Borka2 does not fit well into the thematic idea we had for what he should do. Firstly he’s in no way drunk enough for a guy whose name used to be ‘Kegslayer.’ Secondly, where’s his stupid janky rule that maybe is more of a drawback than an advantage but is funny? What if he had a rule where he could get his bear drunk and then had to advance according to the deviation template? That would be awful but it would be hilarious! We didn’t want a Borka2 that may or may not be competitive, we wanted a Borka2 that was clearly terrible but was hilarious as a result. Give us our non-competitive Borka2 with a pile of stupid rules that almost never come up and aren’t even good when they do! While we’re on the subject of Borka2, why is he so squishy? DEF 14 and ARM 18 before any of the pile of buffs Trolls bring with a great defensive Feat? What’s this bullshit? Don’t you know he’s on a large base? He is way easier to kill than Borka1 was therefore he must be squishy. No we won’t entertain any consideration of the fact that Borka1 is one of the hardest to kill warlocks in the game, don’t you read this blog at all? We already covered that ages ago, Borka1 is barely survivable already. There’s no way the faction that manages to keep Doomy1 alive could prevent Borka from being assassinated.
Dozer and Smigg is an overcosted support beast.
Let me run a stat line by you for a moment, SPD 5, MAT 5, RAT 2, DEF 12, ARM 19. Pretty bad right? Well let’s add on a few support pieces to make him acceptable: Veteran Leader for a shitty warbeast and Artillerist as an animus. Now are we good? Not quite because we’ve one final number: cost 9. What a deal breaker, right? Nobody is going to play Blitzers even if they’re now MAT/RAT 7. Even if that buff didn’t require LOS it wouldn’t be enough to redeem that beast because MAT 7 isn’t even very good. Artillerist is a good ability but at two fury and ruling out Snipe as a buff basically makes it only mediocre at best. Bombers are never within RNG 8 and why would they want +2 RAT and/or re-rolling deviations? Buffing the War Wagon? What a joke, nobody plays that shitty model. Dozer’s damage output is just bad, as well, with his MAT 5 P+S 15 attacks and inaccurate super long range gun. Having the same melee output as a Bomber with a different ranged attack for one point less? That sounds super shitty alright. Nobody bother mentioning ARM 19, a stat shared by only two other warbeasts in the faction one of whom is a 12 point character, because we all know in the current high ARM meta it’s no good. 12/21 is pretty shitty as defensive stats go, definitely. There’s basically no reason to bring a heavy that is pretty durable and might require some kind of support to get serious work done even if that model brings some amazing support potential of its own. Maybe if Dozer was 8 points he’d see some play.
Good players don’t need pathfinder, they work around it.
The sign of a great player is their way of ignoring any problems you place in front of them. Terrain? Psh that’s for chumps. Why waste points on pathfinder options in your list when you can simply out play the terrain on the table. Terrain is inherently treacherous since it’s always in cahoots with your opponent to slow down your advances up the table. You have to defeat it with your superior positioning and movement just like you have to defeat your opponents models. A really good player knows that standing behind a wall is a trap because that wall will trip you up and stop you charging over it next turn. Instead you should position your models somewhere else so that they are still safe but also have completely open charge lanes to your opponents models. I’ve seen good players win games without having any pathfinder options so you know this is true.
Podcasters are just nerd shock-jock broadcasters.
There’s nothing special about podcasters, they’re not noteworthy in any way as individuals. The only significant thing about them is that they have big enough egos that they think people want to actually listen to what they have to say. They say some stupid shit into a microphone every week or so and then think they’re some kind of superior player whose tactics are noteworthy. The thing is they just say shit to get a rise out of the Forums so that people talk about them. Case in point, those jerks over at Chain Attack said some mean shit about Stryker3 and gave him a bad rating. Obviously this doesn’t reflect their arrogant opinions, they just said it because they knew that the Forums would have a freak out over it and the controversy would get them more listeners. This is basic economics people, the podcast you can download for free is using you to make tons of internet moneys! A simple glance at the ‘hosts’ section of a podcast’s page will reveal all you need to know about these self important twits and is sufficient evidence to prove that they’re no better than that guy in your LGS who always beats you. In fact realistically they’re probably a lot worse than him because you play in a really competitive meta no one has ever heard of. Wake up sheeple, podcasters are just self-important assholes who are trying to get a rise out of us Forum readers! The only thing worse than podcasters are people who write articles for fan-sites, those guys are fucking losers. Nobody cares what you have to say, dude, just get a life.
Mercs are the new Khador
You may have noticed that Mercenaries have actually been doing well competitive recently. They even managed to win an actual convention Masters! They used to be Khador’s little brother since they had shitty warjacks and crappy warcasters, just like Khador, and relied heavily on their infantry. Khador was slightly better off because their warcasters are at least mediocre unlike the heaping pile of dung that is the common Mercenary warcaster. Then came Galleon and he shook up the faction in a big way by introducing a seriously competitive list with Broadsides Bart but it still wasn’t enough to make them eclipse our beloved Motherland. No, it took the Earthbreaker to do that. Now Mercenaries have two extremely competitive colossals and Khador are stuck with the stupid Conquest. That’s to say nothing of the crazy synergy Mercenaries have with their colossals. How come they get Tune Up? Now you might be asking yourself how Mercenaries transforming into the colossals faction has caused them to replace Khador in the competitive meta and that’s an excellent question. Obviously the success of one faction must come at the cost of another faction, there’s no way that factions can simply improve competitively without dragging someone else down. We already knew that Khador was barely competitive with the release of Butcher3, who is already losing his power as everyone techs against him super hard, and being the bottom rung of the ‘competitive’ factions means that they were the first to fall when someone else made the jump to ‘competitive.’ Or else maybe this thread is just an opportunity to whinge about Conquest some more and pretend it was about something else entirely. That could also be true.
Hero Thread: Convergence of Extraordinary Mechanical Gentlemen by Grundza
This is a fairly simple conversion theme for an army but it is deeply appealing. This is Convergence done as classy turn of the century gentlemen with top hats and waist coats. The top hats on Servitors is probably my favorite but but the Prime Axiom doffing his tiny top hat is pretty amazing. It’s still in the relatively early stages so I’m interested to see where this goes.
That’s all for this week, thanks for reading!