What I Learned on the Forums This Week 50


I’m back dearest reader and this time I bring you a sampling from a broad range of internet warmachine Forums just to show you how much I care! This is our fiftieth installment after all so it’s important to select only the very best of weird for you to read about. I was hoping to have something for you in relation to the recent spoiling of the Cephalyx rules but so far everyone seems to be strangely positive about them. With the exception of one person insisting he’ll stop giving PP money because of what they did with the Cephalyx everyone has been really reasonable. Colour me surprised but pleased. Well done Forumites, you didn’t fuck up too bad!

We need to fix the lack of painted armies in Warmachine!

Painting is part of the hobby of wargaming and allowing unpainted armies in tournaments is basically a disgrace upon this game! I don’t want to hear any of this bullshit ‘painting is a barrier to entry’ crap it’s clearly bullshit. I may have been wargaming for the better part of a decade but I’m definitely still with it when it comes to what new players are confronted with when they start out. Learning all of the rules to Warmachine, buying models, paints, brushes, and learning how to paint your models isn’t that difficult. I’m sure we won’t lose any players when they realize that they’ll need three fully painted 50 point lists if they want to compete in any major events. Let me throw out an argument that’s so stupidly reductio ad absurdum I admit it from the start: why play with models at all if we aren’t going to paint them? The casual player who doesn’t bother to play in tournaments agrees that we should only play with fully painted models in competitive play and if he thinks so who are we to disagree? He has a huge stake in whether or not competitive players are using painted models. The worst is that the community is complicit in allowing these lazy non-painting players to sit around and not fix the travesty of their unpainted armies. If they actually cared about Warmachine they’d paint their models, it’s not like they could have real life reasons for not painting. I say we exclude and judge these non painting players until they stop neglecting their hobby. I’m sure that won’t drive any new players away.

Gods look at these hideous unflocked bases. Flocking bases is part of the hobby people, tournaments shouldn’t allow boring blank bases.

Marking active affects takes the human interaction out of Warmachine.

Have you ever found yourself playing a game of Warmachine where when it comes to your opponents turn you just read a good book instead of paying attention? After all your opponent will use tokens to mark any active effects or spells so you can just work out what happened at the start of your next turn. Your opponent can just look at your cards if they have any questions, and see any of your active effects, and I’m sure they’ll happily mark any damage they do to your models for you. You don’t need to see any of their measurements or dice rolls, I’m sure they won’t forget any of your models abilities. These tokens mean that people get all obsessed with all of the little things. I like to not sweat all of the little things until they get wildly out of control and then I suddenly shift into being kind of a jerk about insisting on a completely different standard of play than I had before. Seriously, we shouldn’t be bothering with tokens at all. Whatever happened to the good old days when you just wrote all of your effects straight onto your cards? Remember how great this game was when it was super hard to see what effects your opponent had in play? I miss those golden times. That’s why I haven’t played a game in almost a year but have still continued to post a ton on the Forums so that everyone knows what I think about the state of a game I don’t play.

Tables of entirely shallow water are fine.

Let’s imagine for a moment that you were foolish enough to play primarily Dwarves in a journeyman league at your LGS and you had a rule where a third party set up all of the tables for you and your opponent to play on. Now let’s imagine that this third party declared that the entire table you were playing on, except a few islands, was shallow water. That’s perfectly reasonable right? Certainly you have no right to complain. Terrain is a fundamental part of the game and shallow water doesn’t hinder everyone so that makes it fine for the entire table to be that type of terrain. Besides PP has already said somewhere definitely for sure that they think Merc players have a natural handicap and that’s fine. Besides if other people were having fun with this crazy table the OP has no right to complain. It’s not at all important that the OP wasn’t having fun with this set up, and that was the reason this thread started, instead we should emphasize how other people are more important than the OP and that their possible preference for depriving him of fun should be fully considered. They should have gotten their head in the right place for a Journeyman League anyway. Journeyman Leagues aren’t about winning they’re about having fun. I’m sure the guy playing Gorten with 4 warjacks and Forge Guard was super obsessed with winning and needs to tone it down a bit. Now I’m going to say everyone should just relax more and declare I’m leaving this thread but instead post again about an hour from now. Do I need to remind people that the OP had Rhupert in his list? He could give Pathfinder to his SPD 4 unit so there’s no reason for him to complain really. He even had Eiryss who has Pathfinder, so seriously what’s he whinging about? His ‘caster and Battlegroup not being even remotely relevant in the game, which by the by used Steamroller scenarios that he couldn’t contest. So in conclusion everything this guy complained about clearly unreasonable, shallow water tables totally fine. Terrain only has to be balanced across a wide selection of games not when it comes to individual games. Having one broken as shit table is fine as long as somewhere there is a table that isn’t broken.

After he allocates a focus to each of his Warjacks so they can run he can still upkeep a spell, totes OP!

All the whinging about Ret’s new theme is because people can’t adapt.

When you complain about near infinitely escalating Range and POW shots from Retribution Hydras aren’t you really complaining about how you’ll have to change your lists to adapt to a new meta shift? Sure your current list can’t deal with RNG 30 POW 30 shots coming at your war-noun from Turn 2 on but that’s a list design problem really. Just take like half a dozen shield guards, a ‘caster with sac pawn or a caster with stealth instead of what you’re playing already. Also don’t include any non-stealth heavies in your lists, they’re probably going to explode pretty quickly. You could also take a Gargantuan and transfer the dice +15ish damage roll every turn. This is basic stuff people, it’s not like there’s a whole rest of the list designed to push you out on scenario which is doubly effective because you can’t run on turn one. Basically nobody plays factions that rely on high ARM beasts or ‘jacks because Trollbloods and Skorne were removed from this game in the last errata. Legion is a pure infantry faction and Circle only plays Prowled Stalkers so they’re fine. No problem at all. Besides, this is basically exactly the same as playing against Terminus so I don’t see why people are complaining. A ludicrously long range, LOS ignoring, crazy high POW shot is basically the same thing as a warcaster who can charge a predictable distance over other models to kill your ‘caster..probably. It’s theoretically possible for Terminus to get like 30 souls and be the same as a Hydra with 30 focus so these two are definitely the same. No errata needed, this will be good for the meta in the long run…probably.

Hero Thread: For our hero threads this week I thought I’d give you a selection of rather brief battle reports! There were three big events in the past two weeks: Kingdomcon, Steamstorm, and the Nordisch Masters. I have a battle report from each, so enjoy!

Legion Wins Kingdomcon Masters by SalsaShark

Starts out as a congratulations thread but then the winner joins in with lists and battle reports! Also always nice to see new (from my perspective at least) faces winning with Legion.

Steamstorm 2014 or how I shamed the creator by n00buaddib

Totally including this one because I was at the event, this guy was pretty cool, and he says lots of nice things about me in his battle report! Pro-tip, make me seem super cool to increase your chances of getting a Hero Thread shout out.

3rd place Nordisch Masters in Germany – batreps and lists by CommanderVimes

Shout out to this guy for an excellent choice in Forum handle and for doing well at a major German event. I’m all about getting more recognition for big European events so this definitely warrants a mention in my book.

That’s all for this week, thanks for reading!


2 thoughts on “What I Learned on the Forums This Week 50

  1. Whoo, whopper load on the old fail train this week! As always, good job herding this particular nightmare engine down the track!

    I have no idea why I insisted on a railroad themed compliment. Life is weird like that.

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