I am getting terrifyingly close to having done these things for a year now and I can’t help but wonder what other better activities could have taken the place of my time reading the forums. This only lasts a brief instant, though, before I remember that correcting people on the internet is humanity’s most noble purpose. These people are wrong and they need to be corrected or else how will they know their wrong? What cruel mockery of a life will they live thinking they are correct when they are not? Now, I’m not saying I deserve a Nobel Prize for my work or anything but you could at least consider nominating me.
PP has officially spat in Khador player’s eyes
You may have seen that the new Trollblood Warlock in Exigence is Borka RIDING A MOTHERFUCKING POLAR BEAR HOLY SHIT IT’S FUCKING AMAZING- Sorry about that…I get a little carried away. If you’re not aware of this then shame on you and your family. Stop reading, go find the picture, bask in its glory, and then come back. We’ll wait, it’s not bother really. Done? Alright. Well if you didn’t take a side trip to spit in some Khador players face when you looked for the picture you’re forgiven, I didn’t include in the instructions so it’s my bad really, and PP already did it enough just by making this warlock. Everyone knows that Khador has had the exclusive monopoly on bear images because they’re pseudo-Soviet Russia and the player base demands bear cavalry a lot. They also occasionally have some bear themed things like the Great Bears. Never mind that they can’t field the only actual bear model in the game, Lug, that’s not particularly relevant. Dwarves are losers anyway. PP has stolen a release that rightfully belonged to Khador players and given it to some stupid blue skinned drunkard. It’s not like Borka is even from the frozen northern wastes of Khador and has a strong affinity for the cold… Besides other people getting super cool releases is bullshit! On an entirely unrelated note no Khador players will not apologize to Circle players for having the best Argus models in the game, Circle players can suck it because they’re stupid hippy losers. They should have trained their dogs to follow a raging psychopath around instead of just barking so loudly it causes people to stand still.
Trollblood releases are always bad, don’t get your hopes up.
Horgol Ironstrike is coming out in June! That means we’ve only got three more months to wait before we can all be disappointed by the giant mountain of suck that he inevitably will be! Trolls are also getting a new ten man unit with guns that will almost certainly be mediocre at best but probably actually terrible. Also there’s that giant fist thing that will probably be for a Mountain King level of awesome model with the rules to match. There’s no point getting excited about Trollblood releases because we got excited for the Mountain King and the Night Troll and they were both really bad. Two bad releases negates any positive emotion that we could summon about how cool these models could be. Never mind that Warders and the Hunters Grim were better than we expected. That was clearly a fluke. Trollbloods are bad faction that gets bad releases so we should just assume that everything we’ll get is going to be bad and demand that it be amazing before we’ll get excited. If Horgol Ironstrike isn’t so broken it breaks the fucking game I’ll be disappointed in him because Trollblood releases are disappointing.
Mercenary players hate Galleon
You may or may not be aware that someone who sometimes writes articles for this site achieved remarkable success recently playing Magnus1’s Theme Force. Turns out that Magnus1 and Galleon are a pretty great combo. Well, if you’re a narrow minded sort of player with no imagination. You see Galleon really just hamstrings merc players because it prevents you from seeing all those other amazing options. Just consider that taking that Galleon prevented this player from exploring the options of triple Freebooter Magnus1! Merc ‘jacks are pretty amazing, I’m sure we can all agree, and it’s stupid to suggest to new players that they pick up a Galleon because that’s just forcing them into list building corners from which they’ll never escape. It’s much better to suggest that they buy a bunch of shitty warjacks than a model that would actually help them win games. Nobody should start playing with a Galleon, they should have to explore the world of suck that is Mercenary heavy warjacks before they consider picking up the viable competitive option. Besides we have to suppress the loud opinions of all of those players who jumped ship to Mercs at the time of Galleon’s release and make sure our raving madness is heard! The Merc forums are so chock full of competitive players demanding that people play Galleon that the little voices of the fucking lunatic morons are hardly heard by anyone! I liked Mercs before they were an uber competitive faction full of hardcore players. I miss the good old days when they gave terrible advice to anyone who asked and everyone insisted that their favorite contract was the best and PP needed to release more models for it.
Stryker3 isn’t getting tons of discussion because he’s not very good
Sure he’s okay, but really, Stryker3 is just a generic ‘caster with not very good defensive stats and okay abilities. He’s not making a huge splash in the Cygnar forums because he’s just not good enough to be worth discussing in great detail. It doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that he’s not released yet and his rules only actually got fully printed today because he’s been spoiled online for ages. I know I check the internet for Warmachine spoilers and because I do I assume that everyone else does too because I am a child and incapable of understanding that other people have different priorities. It’s not like there are players out there who wait until a model is actually released, or even has a release date, before they begin playtesting those models. It’s obviously worth your time to playtest the shit out of a model that you won’t be able to take to a tournament for who knows how long because the Forums need to know if that model is good or not. So basically we can all agree that people aren’t playing with Stryker3 at the moment because he’s kind of shit and nobody is interested in him. If a model is good the Forums know about it because they’re right about models way more often than they’re wrong!
Hero Thread: Irish Masters 2014 Write-Up by Jocke Rapp
I’m going to be a little self-indulgent here because this is my blog and I’ll do what I damn well want. As a sort of disclaimer I’m head organizer of the Irish Masters. Jocke Rapp was this years winner and this thread is his battle reports from the event. They’re good write ups, and include pictures!, so you should definitely check them out. He brought some slightly non-standard Khador stuff which is always interesting, especially Vlad3 who looks like he’s a ton of fun. Also Jocke is a pretty cool dude so I feel like giving him a shout out. He won his last two games while brutally hungover and it takes a really class player to achieve that!
That’s all for this week, thanks for reading.