The Irish Masters has come and gone and now once again I find myself with the time to read the Forums. I guess this is a good thing but I’m not entirely convinced. Anyway, it was a busy week last week and I’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Now let’s get started since I’ve been lazy and this article has to go live in a couple of hours!
PP are clearly incompetent because their design ideas differ from mine.
You know that old adage about how if you take like a thousand monkeys with typewriters they produce the complete works of Shakespeare? How do we know that’s not now PP writes their rules for this mess of a game? Why are some ‘casters better than others and why aren’t all Theme forces hyper competitive? It’s not like anyone would actually ever want to play a list based on fluff or weird ridiculous combinations. The only way to play Warmachine is by using top tier net deck lists. People who dabble in playing crappy models don’t exist and even if they did it would be necessary to destroy them. Since we know that there’s no such thing as a fluff bunny player why doesn’t PP just produce a constant stream of hyper-competitive models for us to use? It’s not like designing a game is hard, hell just look at my dozens of totally balanced home-brew ideas I’ve posted on the Forums. If they’re having trouble they should just come to me for help. Since they haven’t the only real conclusion we can make is that PP is basically just a room full of monkeys flailing at typewriters that just get lucky when they produce a model that’s actually playable without being broken. Now lets have a really long discussion about whether Chain Blast is any good.
Let’s re-write the rules so that Infantry are almost worthless
Infantry are too powerful, we all know that and it is an indisputable fact which for some reason PP has chosen to ignore, so how do we fix that? Well what if we introduced a rule that caused you to roll one dice less on damage per a base size difference between you and your target. That seems balanced right? Then every list will have to field a Colossal because only Colossals could kill each other and small based infantry would be effectively useless. Warcasters would also become hilariously easy to kill as all Colossal guns just blow them off the table in one shot by rolling an unboosted 4d6 damage. We could introduce a rule that exempts certain models from these rules thus making them the only playable option which would be handy because then you wouldn’t have to buy so many goddamn models to play this game. Anyway, I’m pretty sure that everyone is exaggerating how much this would imbalance the game. It wouldn’t make Trollkin Champions nearly unkillable, they’d only be ARM 20 with enemy charging models generally only rolling 2d6 on damage versus them while they’d become double weapon master against enemy infantry. Look, the balance thing doesn’t matter because in my opinion it doesn’t make sense that infantry could kill a warjack because I lack imagination. My lack of imagination is something that should be catered to by PP via a complete redesign of the rules into something substantially shittier. Besides this doesn’t actually do anything to make infantry a non-viable choice and none of your convincing mathematical arguments will sway my rock solid opinion on this! Unless you can prove via gameplay using my shitty shitty rule I won’t believe that I’m wrong.
Why would you play Boomhowler in Family Reunion?
I don’t understand why everyone seems to think this is good and I’m going to be kind of insulting about it until someone explains it to me slowly using small words. They’re the same defense as Champions and lower ARM so clearly they are just the worse option than taking three full units. I don’t understand things like ten models versus five models or why that makes a difference. 4+ Tough isn’t all that great because in my valid anecdotal experience I always fail them. Iron Flesh? I can just put that on a unit of Champions for literally the exact same effect as on Boomhowlers and since we’ve established that I don’t understand differences in number I don’t see why that’s stupid. Also one time someone mistoke and said Tale of Mists and not Iron Flesh so I’m going to be a cock about that while simultaneously showing how I lack a basic understanding of tactics in the game. Basically I don’t find that DEF 15 ARM 18 4+ Tough Boomhowlers are very survivable because I have no idea how this game fucking works or some other presumably equally baffling reason. It’s cool though, I’m sure I’ll find that Trollkin Champions are the most survivable thing in the whole goddamn game and definitely don’t need a tar pit unit of any kind. Stupid other Troll players have no idea what they’re talking about.
Frenzying isn’t really a big deal
Stupid Infantrymachine is so annoying, if only Warmachine players could play like Hordes players and actually take tons of heavies. Hordes is so OP with their stupid Fury system. They get to do all the awesome boosting and making loads of attacks and shit without any downside. Frenzying is basically a bonus on top of the Fury system rather then a penalty. Losing an entire 10 point activation to making one attack? That’s awesome. You’re basically never going to end up targeting a friendly model so what do you care that your warbeast Frenzied? It’s not like shooting warbeasts that are behind friendly models could every Frenzy and kill a guy. That’s the sort of thing that happens to fucking morons. The lack of target priority so that your heavy ends up killing a one point trooper model with his entire activation is no big deal since you already blew all your Fury being a consummate badass. This is also why Primal is the best animus in the game, because auto-Frenzy is basically guaranteed free boosted attack at no cost! If you take a ton of warbeasts and have them all Frenzy just think about all the free Fury generation you’re getting! Having control over your gameplan and being able to apply models activations when and where you want them is totally overrated. That’s why Dr. Arkadius’ Feat is the best in the game.
Hero Thread: The Ask Other Mike Thread by Sobolev
If you’re new around these parts you might not be aware that the Overload crew has a bit of a love affair with Mike Puryear. He’s a super sweet dude and he’s got a really impressive…set of eyes. Anyway, in addition to being a fine upstanding human being he’s also a super legit Menoth player and at the behest of the community he is answering all of your Menoth questions JVM style. Definitely worth a read. I’ll also give a little shout out here to the Ask Menoth John thread which is way less helpful but actually quite funny.
That’s all for this week, thanks for reading!