What I Learned on the Forums This Week 36

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Hello again dearest reader! We are back with more wisdom from the internet! I’ve been gone a while but I’ve been collecting Truth from the past few weeks so some of these lessons might not actually be from this week just gone. That said, they promise to nevertheless be very enlightening and after a few weeks I suspect my backlog will empty and I’ll be back to my usual topical self. Please bear with me as I undo all the good my vacation has done for my blood pressure.

Crippling Grasp ruins melee units!

So you’re building yourself a nice little list filled with melee dudes, maybe to go with your sweet Ossyan tech, whatever. If you haven’t brought anti-Crippling Grasp tech you’re melee units are a complete waste of points. Crippling Grasp will just completely shut down your army and make it unplayable. Just showing up to a tournament where someone is playing a ‘caster with Crippling Grasp is enough to make your models melt into a puddle of useless pewter. I don’t even want to talk about what happens if you have to play against that ‘caster, we mourn the loss of Bill every day. Why didn’t he just take Eiryss2? WHY!?!? Thankfully someone has proposed a solution because dammit I’m not losing anymore men this way! Every War-noun should have a rule where they can spend focus equal o the cost of the spell + 1 to dispel the effect. Burning four of your Focus to get rid of Crippling Grasp? Totally worth it! Definitely not mostly a waste of Focus because your unit will be completely dead by the time your turn comes around. Banishing Ward would definitely not be a valid strategy to deal with enemy upkeeps because Purification exists in the game. Let us never forget that Blarkflast the Terrible exists and he has both Purification and Crippling Grasp plus Focus 11. This game really is a shambles these days.

Grundback Blasters are broken as shit.

Powerful Attack is a totally solid rule. Boosting all to hit and damage rolls? Amazing. You know what’s not okay at all? Powerful Attack on a Spray. Seriously, what the fuck PP? Were you guys even thinking when you designed this? Sure Dwarves are a small section of one of the least played factions and are notoriously Focus strapped but this is seriously not okay at all. They should have this great ability taken away from them and be forced to play with crappier models because I don’t like how good their thing is! The Spray Gun Bunnies are only three points as well!? Why don’t Dwarf players run tons of them so that they can not give a Focus to each one and not have any ARM cracking? That seems totally legit! While we’re on the subject, actually, can we just nerf all the really good models and only play with kind of crappy ones? Except for all the good models in my faction, obviously, they should keep their awesome rules because on them it’s fair and balanced.

If there’s a lesson to be learned here it’s that Dwarves make badass machine guns.

Silverline Stormguard suck because they die!

I was watching one of the WMW videos that the estimable MattieK posted on his site recently and I noticed that in one of the videos the Cygnar player lost his entire unit of Silverline to a unit of Satyxis Raiders. Holy crap! That unit must be terrible! The Silverline got to walk in and kill a handful of Satyxis first and still got butchered to a man! What a waste of points. Now keen observers might have noticed that the Silverline were Crippling Grasped and that the Satyxis had used their Power Swell ability but those observers are assholes who should shut their stupid fact filled faces. If they’re so goddamn clever how do they explain the fact that the Cygnar player brought a melee unit to a Crippling Grasp fight? Obviously the Silverline convinced him that this terrible idea was a good one and everyone knows you shouldn’t trust models that talk to you. Anyway, if Silverline were any good they would have survived that because that’s what infantry does, it survives everything no matter what. Case closed.

Rhyas got a present, where’s Garryth’s present!?

So Elf Santa came in the form of a late December Errata and got Rhyas the gift of a longer sword but he didn’t visit any of the Iosan elves to give them their much deserved treats. Why does the awful blighted monstrosity of a ninja get a cool upgrade and the shitty old man get nothing? He doesn’t necessarily need Reach, no need to take Rhyas’ present directly from her, but he should have gotten something of equivalent value dammit! How come another faction got a cool thing and my faction didn’t? This is hardly fair! Rhyas isn’t even all that bad! She’s just bad in Legion which we all know is a totally OP faction with no downsides! Ret is a crap faction with crap warcasters and in greater need of a gift of better rules. How come blighted elves get more love? We killed their stupid dragon so we should get all of their awesome stuff and they should have to play with rocks! While we’re on the topic Rhyas would be totally legit in Retribution which is further proof that she’s better than Garryth because taking a ‘caster outside of their faction proves things!

Everblight killed Santa and made a new one in his image, it’s the only explanation.

Hero Thread: Ask Chuck by Ohmen76

Oh Legion Forums, you’re surprisingly great. As a sort of supplement/parody/thing to the notorious Ask Neuty About Legion thread (95 pages as of this writing) Ohmen76 started a thread to ask fellow Detroit player and noted champion of the underdog Chuck Elswich (PG_Bulldog) about how he plays Legion. While the thread is certainly entertaining it’s actually surprisingly interesting and informative. Chuck runs some weird lists and he does provide occasional bits of advice on what he does with them. JVM is also ever present in the thread to provide actual constructive advice on what Chuck does. Worth a read.

That’s all for this week! Thanks for reading!

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