What I Learned on the Forums This Week 34


Happy Thanksgiving! Exciting news! I’m starting Ret and I plan to play them for most of next year! That means I’ll be spending even more time getting some seriously great tactical advice from the Retribution forums! This can only lead to wonderful things and won’t at all be like an abusive relationship! Yay!

Epic Reznik makes no sense.

When you think of giant flaming war chariots what do you think of? Is it Servath Reznik? Obviously not! Reznik on a chariot makes absolutely no sense. Firstly, putting Reznik on a chariot will take away Protectorate’s only medium based warcaster since once his epic version is released all of his non-epic models will be incinerated by Menoth’s holy gaze for being blasphemous representations of a man who no longer exists. The new Reznik will be the only one to have ever been. Also, riding around on a chariot is so not Reznik’s style. I mean for the chariot to work at all like it would historically would make no sense with a beat-stick warcaster. The only thing that makes sense is a more command post style ranged warcaster. Since I demand my wargames about steam powered robots controlled by wizards in power armour be historically accurate this is a big problem for me. Also, Reznik hasn’t been active in the fluff like at all since Wrath which was over a whole book ago. Basically irrelevent. The only solution to these problems is epic Vindictus since Vindictus riding around the Protectorate on a giant war chariot makes way more sense than Reznik doing it in the Northern Crusade. If we get this information out there fast enough PP might change their mind and fix this gross error.

Ossyan might finally be competitive!

Long have we waited for this day! Ossyan has long been stuck on the bottom tiers of Retribution ‘casteres because he’s so gimmicky and bad. However, his salvation might be at hand with the arrival of the Houseguard Thane. You might be thinking that the Thane offers anti-Stealth tech to the premier ranged warcaster in Retribution but that’s not why he’s so great for Ossyan. Building Ossyan for shooting is a total trap which has been proven terrible by the WTC. Obviously the new move is to build him as a melee focused ‘caster and just ignore his terribad Feat. The Thane is only good with Ossyan because Quickened Desperate Paced Halberdiers are good. You should probably be running several melee units with him now and possibly try out some Battle Mages since they lack any synergy with him. Building lists that play to Ossyan’s strengths has failed disastrously now it’s time to put random models with him and argue about how it works in your local meta. Even with all this new tech, though, Ossyan probably only barely makes top 4 Ret ‘casters. He’s still no Kaelyssa after all.

Sometimes I think 90% of my job is just posting a picture of Ossyan and telling Ret players that they’re morons.

POW 10 shooting is pretty bad.

In other Houseguard Thane related news the Houseguard Riflemen are still super bad. The thing is they’re just not as good as Invictors because POW 10 is worse than POW 12. Seriously, Invictor shoot harder and are miles better in Melee than Riflemen. Sure they’re 2 more points for the full unit and have 4 inches less range. You can just take the UA though to have the same ranges as Riflemen for one turn, then you’re just paying four more points for the unit. Also they can’t use the Houseguard Thane to shoot through Stealth. Yes I did graduate from the school of shitty comparisons, why do you ask? With all that obvious inferiority though the real thing that makes Riflemen awful is POW 10. POW 10 is just the worst shooting stat in the game. That’s why Cygnar are such a terrible faction. No there aren’t any Cryx players in my meta except the guy who only runs Black Ogrun, why would that be relevant to this discussion?

Earthquake is a bad spell.

You guys remember Earthquake? Probably not, it’s a really mediocre spell on a really mediocre ‘caster. You’ve probably seen it once early on in your Warmachin career when you and your buddy were still playing battle box games. Some poor bastard got stuck with Stryker while you were rocking some super sweet Kaya action and he cast this spell because Earthquakes are cool so the spell must be cool. Problem is, it’s a cost three spell that doesn’t even do damage! It’s just a RNG 10 AOE 5 spell that knocks down all models hit. Stryker has to practically blow his stack to cast it and then he just dies. Why are we talking about a crap spell on a caster no one plays? Well because obviously it would be pretty bad if Stryker3 had it. I mean, maybe if he had it as that generic shitty offensive spell that all ‘casters have to have but since it doesn’t do damage that’s not likely. If he does get it he’ll probably be bad because it will just be eating up a space on his spell card. I hope he has Positive Charge instead, that spell is at least okay on the occasions when it’s worth casting, which are pretty rare honestly.

Besides, how is a guy who runs around causing Earthquakes not a wanted criminal? Those things destroy people’s houses you jerk!

Hero Thread: Competative Tournament Lists by Skillt

I just want to say that I’m deeply disappointed in the Convergence forums. When that treacherous dog Pagani, who by the way can’t even spell competitive, started a thread like this one in the Ret forums he got endless waves of hate and abuse. Where is your Pagani hatred Convergence forums? Don’t you want to be cool like the Ret forums? You do don’t you? Well start screaming abuse at this no good Texan about how he’s just some blow in from Circle with no idea what he’s talking about. Be sure to point out he’s never won anything with Convergence even if he’s probably ten times the player you are, that will definitely prove you’re cool. In all seriousness though, there’s some great Convergence discussion in this thread and I hope it continues. Definitely some interesting avenues to explore in Warmachine’s newest faction and I look forward to seeing what turns up.

That’s all for this week. Tune in next week which will feature the first of a string of guest articles by various fictional entities associated with winter holidays!


2 thoughts on “What I Learned on the Forums This Week 34

  1. Man, Ret forums do seem to be a magnet for stupidity. I’m not sure it’s safe for you, I think you might spontaneously combust in rage!

  2. Dude this is my favourite blog of all time. I look forward to it every week as I find it fricken hilarious. I’ve also recommended it to our local meta to peruse as ‘required’ reading. Keep up the good work!

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