What I Learned on the Forums This Week 32


Welcome, dear visitor, to my menagerie of madness. We have a wonderful selection for you this week. I’ve sampled the finest vitriol, the most aromatic rantings and some very earthy raving stupidity just to be sure that I bring you only the highest quality of commentary. I hope you enjoy your stay here and return again in the future. Now if you’ll please follow me this way we can begin.

PP is wrong about Infernals!

Infernal rules clarifications are super annoying because they’re basically just inventing new rules that you have to search the PP site to find. There’s no way the rules as written, along with the errata, could be used to reach the same conclusion that some Infernals manage to reach when they make their rulings. Sure the official PP line is that Infernals only clarify rules without introducing new ones but they’re obviously lying to us. Just because the head of the Infernal program says something about it doesn’t mean it’s true, what would he know? Obviously as someone who occasionally reads Infernal rulings I’m in a better position to say whether or not something constitutes a new rule than the person who helps write the goddamn rules. Now hurry up and give me my thread with all 20,000 Infernal rulings so I can complain about how hard it is to use!

Garryth is amazeballs and you need to L2P!

I’m as big of a fan as any when it comes to telling Ret players that they need to l2p. They can be entitled little whiny bitches who need to stop using janky assassinations and play the game. However, there are limits to how far this can go. If you lose to a local Garryth player all the time it still doesn’t make that guy good. It probably makes you bad. There are things Ret players don’t appreciate, Ossyan, and there are things they legitimately understand are kind of bad, like Garryth. I’ll give you this win, Ret players, you guys are right on at least one of your ‘casters. Don’t let it go to your heads, though, I’m still giving you the stink eye until you learn to appreciate what Ossyan does. Go out there and shit on some Menoth players with that guy, he’s amazeballs.

It turns out you need more than a bitchin’ goatee and gunblades to actually be good. Truly there is no justice in this world.

Tough is stupidly broken.

We’re back here again, friends. Tough is once again, or maybe it’s still, the topic of debate on the internet. Someone lost a game because their opponent made a bunch of Tough checks and now they’re all butt hurt about it. The slew of suggestions these people come up with are frankly baffling. Tough should just work once a turn? Ignoring the pain of bookkeeping associated with that do you really want to give every model in a Troll army a minimum 2hp and the ability the Covenant has to only take one damage. Trust me you do not want that to be the way the rule works. How about 4+ base but doesn’t work when knocked down? I’m sure Kreoss1 needed a buff and Heightened Reflexes Boomhowlers just weren’t good enough. The weirdest people, though, are the ones who insist on ignoring Trolls during the debate. Obviously the faction with universal Tough shouldn’t be considered in this debate. It’s much more important that we talk about Nyss Hunters and the Witch Doc Croc or Boomhowlers with anyone. That makes way more sense because they’re in every list. Rhupert is also just Toughing everything in the game like some sort of bagpipe playing douchenozzle. If only we had some way to limit certain units from being played in multiple lists? We could call it something like…personality…limits? Yeah, that sounds good.

Destors are bad because they die after charging.

So obviously Destors are the worst standard cavalry unit in the game. The thing is they’re only P+S 13 and so once you charge in they only kill a few things and then promptly die. Sure they’re 13/19 in melee which is some of the best base defensive stats on a cavalry unit but it’s not enough. This problem is obviously totally unique to Destors and not the problem that all cavalry models have, excluding possibly Long Riders. There’s obviously no need to look into different ways of playing the unit to possibly better effect than just charging in and dying. Seriously, though, look at all those wasted rules on Destors! Gunfighter? Psh, who’s going to use that when you’re charging. They don’t even have Virtuoso. Dual Shot? You only use that when you aim, something you can’t do when you charge. A RAT 6, RNG 10, POW 12 gun on a SPD 8 cavalry unit who can make ride by attacks? When are you ever going to use that? Oh, right, they have the Lance rule so obviously it’s for when you survive after charging and have to shoot into melee since you can’t use your melee weapon. This is definitely not the only example of ranged normal cavalry in the game. That would be madness. It’s not like PP took a giant marker and wrote ‘THIS UNIT IS FOR SHOOTING’ on top of them. They’re only a unit with tons of shooting related rules in a faction that’s mostly about shooting. No big deal really, just keep charging them to their death and saying they’re unplayable.

Honestly, all the time I spend reading about Ret and looking up pictures of their models has made me really want to play Ret. It’s a good thing I’m over my faction ADD…right?

Hero Thread: Misogyny in Warmahordes by JollyHolly

Let it never be said that I wasn’t controversial from time to time. The person who wrote this post has some serious guts. Posting up this sort of proper feminist discussion on an internet forum is always going to cause trouble and get you a swarm of PMs from shitheads who think you’re wrong and that you need to know that from them. It’s for the best that this thread go locked early and in some ways it’s nice to just read the original post and think on it without a bunch of mouth breathers expressing their stupid ass opinions on the subject. Do I agree with everything the poster has to say? Not really, but I agree with the vast majority of it and that’s enough.

Bonus Hero Thread: Extraordinary Zoology Adventure Module by SWAM

I take no credit for finding this one. One of my readers, props to you Hendral, pointed it out to me. This thread links to a document where the OP has written up an Iron Kingdoms adventure module for the novella Extraordinary Zoology. That’s some pretty impressive dedication and a very cool resource for IK players out there. Enjoy!

That’s all for this week. Tune in next week when everything I write will be about how economics are the sole cause of all of Warmachine’s problems!

2 thoughts on “What I Learned on the Forums This Week 32

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