What I Learned on the Forums This Week 23


This week saw some idiots attempting to prove as best they could that they don’t understand game design as well as some really petty and pointless rants. As I do every week I will treat these opinions with the utmost respect. Let’s do this.

Opening multiple books is just too hard.

Warmachine and Hordes have a rulebook that explains the rules. This seems obvious right? But it’s a trap! Prime doesn’t contain all of the rules for the game! New types of models that were released after Prime was published don’t have their rules in the book! There are no Colossal rules in Prime! Now, obviously this is because they couldn’t change the book but it does mean they’re liars! When we were told that you could play Warmachine with just the models, cards and a copy of the rulebook it was all a lie. PP must rectify this in a way that I deem to be personally convenient! Buying the extra books? Why would I do that? What do you mean only one person in my community really needs the book and then we can all reference it? Clearly the only workable solution is to include all of the new rules with the models when they’re released. That way everyone ends up with piles of extra copies of rules they don’t need when they buy multiple Convergence ‘jacks and each one contains rules for Vectors. Sure this is extremely wasteful but dammit I’ll die before I spend $35 on a rulebook to explain to me how my $135 model works! A man has to have priorities!

Hyperion would need both Colossal and Myrmidon rules! Yippeee!

Warmachine should be a different game!

Another week another Mark 3 thread. This one had a hell of an opener with someone suggesting a series of rules changes that were all just terrible. Things like a random weather table that could introduce a ton of extra random elements to each and every game you play and some really vague ideas that I think were meant to make warjacks see more play. From there it got crazy with people asking for premeasuring, disruption on beast, ‘jack marshals with warjack points, a complete overhaul of LOS rules, and banning charging friendly models for extra movement. This thread was amazing. Usually my objection to Mark III speculation is I don’t think a few dud models and a few slightly too good models are worth revising the whole game. In this thread I basically disagreed with every suggestion that was made. It is a magnum opus of fucking terrible ideas. One of my favorites was to make high DEF only as good as equally high ARM. No more a DEF 18 being just better than ARM 18. Because different stats doing different things is stupid. Super extra points to the guy who accuses top level players of being unoriginal and trying to stamp out these legitimate desires for innovation and fixing the game. Obviously anyone who takes this game seriously is just a lazy shit who doesn’t want to re-learn the game after it all changes. It couldn’t possibly be that we think the game is fine as it is and not in need of a change. Double super bonus extra points for the suggestion that a fix to the game is coming in the near future that will say you can’t play Siege or Triumph anymore because they’ve had bad stuff happen to them in the fluff. Thank you crazy people of the Forums, I couldn’t make some of this shit up if I tried…

Mercenaries probably shouldn’t be a faction.

I definitely rag on Merc players a lot but it’s because I love Mercs. The first Warmachine purchase I ever made was the old Magnus battle box with black and white cards. Back then Mercenaries weren’t even properly a faction, they were just a weird collection of models that you could sort of put together to form a crude list. Now, however, we’re a proper faction with a good selection of models and some damned fine warcasters. That’s why I object to people arguing that they should be able to take a friendly Merc list as part of their list parings even if they’re not playing Mercs. Mercenaries, and Minions, are a special case in Warmachine because other factions can use our models but we also get to use some of their models, like Kayazy and Gun Mages. However, part of what I love about Warmachine is the fact that you have to build lists within your faction. You can’t take two lists from two different factions to a tournament, excluding Iron Gauntlet which I have mixed feelings about. Mercenaries are a faction and just because we’re a slightly different faction doesn’t mean that this rule should suddenly not apply for other people who want to use Mercenaries. Taking a second list that’s a Merc list is taking a different faction and that’s all there is to it really. It’s not how the game works and I don’t think it should be. Extra asshole points to the guy saying that if Merc players don’t like TOs allowing this kind of thing they can just not go to those events. Hooray for excluding people from the community! If you want to play two different factions there’s already an event for you guys: Iron Gauntlet. Go play that and shut up about stealing my warcasters.

However, when Magnus conquers Cygnar I’m totally taking a Stormwall.

Warmachine should have twice annual rules updates!

As we all know Warmachine is a terrible game that’s an absolute mess rules wise. The LOS rules make absolutely no sense and the rules don’t match the obvious theme that Warjacks should have long ago replaced soldiers on the battlefields because infantry is dumb. There’s an obvious fix for that: update the rules twice a year. Never mind that this would be really time consuming for the game designers and definitely hinder the releasing of new models. Lets ignore the frustration that would come with constantly having to get updated cards for models that got changed and the constantly shifting meta that would come with large sections of the game being overhauled every six months. None of those would really be problems because we live in a magical cyberpunk future where all of the new rules will be downloaded into our brains once they’re released. We definitely won’t be struggling with awkward PDF pages we had to print out thus eliminating the whole benefit of having cards with rules on them. Really we should just switch to a release cycle where each faction gets a complete update every couple of years in the form of a new book and you just have to buy your army’s book and bring it with you when you play. This thread is such a horrifying mix of entitlement and fucking stupidity it makes me weep for the state of mankind that shitheads like this are even alive. Every day I’m thankful that PP doesn’t take design input from the Forums. That would be the worst thing.

Hero Thread: WTC Threads by mattieK

By this stage you really should be aware that the World Team Championship is near but what you might not know is that all of the lists being used at said event have been published on mattieK’s website Endgamegaming.net. You should check them out. This week mattieK posted links to all of the lists from each faction in that faction’s forums and some interesting discussion has come as a result. My favorite thing about this is that few people are saying any of the lists are terrible since every list was written by someone who will soon be playing at a major international event representing their country. People are actually trying to understand why someone took what they did rather than just saying it was a poor selection and they should have taken X instead. There are a few jackasses as there always are but in general the threads are really positive. I’ve provided links to all the threads mattieK started but several factions started an additional thread before he got there that are often also worth a look.

Cygnar, Khador, Protectorate of Menoth, Cryx, Retribution of Scyrah, Mercenaries

Trollbloods, Legion of Everblight, Skorne, Circle Orboros, Minions

That’s all for this week. If you haven’t heard already we recorded a podcast! You should head over to Muse on Minis to listen to the first booze fueled episode. You should also like us on Facebook! That way I’ll know that you really care about me. 🙂


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