What I Learned on the Forums This Week 22


Annnnd we’re back with another installment of Stu writes about unimportant shit he read on the internet this week! With your host…me! This week we journey beyond the main Forums to some of the other less traveled boards abroad. I hope you enjoy!

Warmachine should just be Hordes.

You know what’s basically completely shit in this game? Warjacks. They’re so bad and we really need to fix them so that people will actually play them. The obvious solution is to just make them run more like warbeasts. Maybe they should spend focus off of their controlling warcaster while in their control range? Also probably should generate a free focus and charge for free. Then maybe make Power Booster a much better ability. That all sounds reasonable. All we have to do is look at the main warjack faction, Protectorate, and see that the obvious way to make ‘jacks better is to give them tons of Focus. That’s all Protectorate does. They run a ton of Reclaimers and allocate lots of Focus to their warjacks. The Choir and Vassals making ‘jacks better and have more attacks definitely have nothing to do with the Protectorate ‘jack heavy playstyle. Seriously though, most factions can run quite a few warjacks in lists and the fact that not every faction can pull a Legion and play 6 heavies is not a problem with this game. Those factions that can’t will not be fixed by making all warjacks better. Not all factions have to run warjacks. The diversity of the factions is what makes this game great. Besides if everyone ran warjacks then we would be looking for ways to make infantry viable.

We wish we made Warjacks better. Instead we tell shitty bedtime stories.

SoS is a vile and evil thing.

I might be in the minority on this but I’ll say it anyway: I have no problem with Strength of Schedule as a tie-breaker. Sure it’s something completely beyond the players control but it’s also entirely fair. It judges how difficult your games were based on your opponents performance and ranks you based on that. Whoever had the hardest day deserves to get the higher place in the tournament. As far as I’m concerned that’s working as intended. What I don’t get is why some players feel that because they got to the top table they deserve to place second when they lose. Why do you deserve it and the guy who had the bad luck of being paired against the over all winner the round before does not? If he’s outranked you in the end it’s because he played against better opponents than you did and frankly deserves that place more than you do. Getting to the top table of a tournament does not give you the right to be a self centered ass. If you really want to avoid dropping to third due to Strength of Schedule don’t lose any of your games. It’s really that simple.

Specialists were written for Cygnar players!

You know how you’re always talking lists with your local Cygnar player and it’s always the same. You have some cool fresh ideas about your list and he’s all ‘Wah! Wah! I can’t decide what Mercs to put in my list’ because he’s a treacherous Merc playing scumbag? Sure you put up with his moaning but then PP did the unforgivable thing of introducing Specialists just to make it so that the moaning Cygnar player wouldn’t ever have to play a bad match up. Now he can include 30 points of Mercenary models in his list all the time and everyone knows that 30 points of Mercs is exactly the amount required to be immune to bad match ups. If that Cygnar player was actually following the holy rules of Page 5 he would put those models in his list to begin with rather than using Specialists. Obviously they should be cast away from the game and never spoken of again. Extra points to the asshat insisting that because Warmachine lets you have two lists the game is clearly unbalanced.

Finally Cygnar players will be able to include Rutger Shaw in their lists. We’re all doomed!!

Convoluted tie breakers are the way of the future!

Since SoS is killing our crops and starving our children we obviously need a very elaborate and difficult to implement tie break system to replace it. The best place to look for this is the world of professional sports because what we really want is for Warmachine to be more like Soccer. First we obviously need to seed all of the players because player rankings have never caused controversy or been a cause for conflict. Once everyone has been ranked based on how good they are at pushing toy soldiers and rolling dice they’ll play in a two level tournament starting with group play where the group’s winner moves on to a single elimination tournament. This may add some complexity to the event organization and may leave most players with nothing to do on day two. This is where the original poster without irony or understanding that it’s kind of offensive refers to the day two tournament to keep these lesser players busy as the ‘chumpionship.’ It’s really a winning hearts and minds operation wherein the top level players will be praised and given numerical values to indicate their superiority and the lesser players will be used as furniture to keep them comfortable.

Hero Thread: 2013 WTC final table 3: Cryx Necrofactorium by menace

I thought I’d complete my run of showing off all the amazing WTC finals tables by including the epic Cryx Necrofactorium. It technically hasn’t been updated in a while because the author is desperately trying to get it finished before the WTC next month but it still has some awesome pictures in it. Hopefully it will be finished soon and we’ll get to see it in all of its vile Cryxian glory.

That’s all for this week. Tune in next week where we will feature a very exciting guest writer: a polar bear! RAWWWRRRR!!

The first step for Ms. Bear is finding internet access.

5 thoughts on “What I Learned on the Forums This Week 22

  1. I’m not sure why you insist on mocking all those wonderful forum participants and their brilliant ideas for improving the game, but I can’t help but be excited to read what Ms. Bear has to say about it.

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