What I Learned on the Forums This Week 20

Holy shit, this is week 20 of On the Forums. I really expected to just run out of content and motivation after like four installments and I’m shocked both that I’m still doing this and that people are reading it. Thanks for sticking around guys!

Retribution has fewer warcasters than everyone else!

So obviously Retribution has fewer warcasters than everyone else, excluding Convergence who as far as Ret players are concerned don’t exist for comparison, because they’re a later addition to the game. Here’s the question though: why is this still true? Years have passed, probably at least a hundred, since Retribution was introduced and they still haven’t caught up with the rest of the other factions. They need more epic warcasters to be like all the other factions! This is totally not fair! Getting the same number of releases as everyone else is bullshit! Retribution is a special snowflake deserving of at least double the warcaster releases of every other faction. Look at Mercenaries, they’ve gotten an extra warcaster release over Retribution which is doubly unfair because they’re a bullshit fake faction. Sure that release was also Cygnar’s warcaster release and no other faction benefited like they did but fuck other factions Retribroken is more important than all of them.

Constance Blaize is a jerk is my main point here.

Khador’s villainy is Cold War craziness!

Do you guys remember back when Khador was a rogue rebel without a cause anti hero who swung back and forth along the line dividing good from evil. Do you remember when Khador was Batman? One Forumite does and he has had the bravery to point out how far Khador has fallen from it’s crime fighting origins. They’ve now become cartoon villains who take coal from babies in small villages to power their colossals and let people freeze to death in their giant frozen wasteland of a country. Even Harkevich, the Clark Kent of this fine upstanding nation, is secretly an asshole who refuses to hold the door open for the Old Witch. There’s only one reasonable explanation for this: Cold War paranoia. The rainbow devouring nation of Cygnar is reaching it’s mighty tendrils into our world to warp the fluff of Khador to make them the villains because they sort of resemble Soviet Russia. I always knew PP were McCarthyists and this finally confirms it! Thank you hero of truth from the Forums, I’ll do my very best to disprove your existence like you asked!

Painting is a core mechanic!

We’ve all been there before, you’re halfway through your last ditch assassination run it and it fails costing you the game. Then, ten minutes later you remember that your opponents ‘caster wasn’t painted! You should have won that game! Your opponent totally cheated you because he forgot to mention the buff you get from his models not being painted. Painting is a core mechanic of this game, after all, so it was sloppy of him to forget. Sure it’s not strictly in the rules of the game but that doesn’t mean it’s not important or dare I say even essential to the experience. If you’re not looking at pretty painted models when you play then you’re not playing Warmachine. PP has studio painters, after all, so that totally proves my point. Also, you have no excuse not to paint your stuff because I work really hard like all the days of the week but I still manage to get all of my stuff painted even though I’m about a million times busier than you. If you haven’t painted all your stuff then you’re just being super lazy and should be flogged until you get all of your models painted.

What do my 4 extra arms have to do with my ability to paint while I work?

Iron Gauntlet Should Die!

So obviously Iron Gauntlet is the lamest thing ever. It’s super janky with ridiculous combos being the whole point of the event and it requires you to have all of these models to play which is dumb. Also, what kind of event requires fully painted lists? Surely you want as many players as possible and painting requirements reduce those players. Most importantly, though, is that Iron Gauntlet should cease to be because I think it’s kind of lame. It doesn’t matter if other people find it fun and want to play it what matters is that I don’t really like it. Played it once, wasn’t impressed, think it should be taken out back and shot so no one else can experience it in case they like something I don’t like. Also make sure to start a really long pointless argument about whether or not having painted models is essential to the game and make hyperbolic statements like ‘why don’t we all play with paper’ if people disagree with you. That’s really best practice on the internet.

Hero Thread: Cassius vs Legion, ETC battle report and thoughts on our “Top Tier” by LEJKaya

As a general rule I dislike battle reports because they’re usually long and kind of dull. I want to know the interesting moments from a game not every little detail. I also find them difficult to follow without pictures. That said, this battle report is awesome and quite entertaining. Definitely worth a read for that alone. What makes it my Hero Thread this week is that it involves Cassius, my favorite Circle Warlock, and Legion. If you’re new here you should probably know that Cassius vs. Legion is generally considered the worst match up in the game and in this thread we see some arguments made against that point. Check it out. 

Fear the tree!!

That’s all for this week. By the time you’re reading this I’ll probably be thousands of feet over the Atlantic Ocean. Wish me luck!