What I Learned on the Forums This Week 14


This week has been full of highs and lows for the Forums. We’ve got some pretty epic level nonsense to wade through but at the end I promise you the reward of not one, not two, but three Hero Threads! Or you could just scroll to those I guess, but where’s the fun in that?

Arcane Shield on Jr. isn’t good anymore!

This gem comes to us from the world of Cygnar demanding multi-wound infantry. I have it from a reliable source that Cygnar has earned the right to demand multi-wound infantry. It’s basically a violation of their fundamental human rights to not have multi-wound infantry. You know who would have thought Cygnar doesn’t deserve multi-wound infantry? Hitler. Now you might be asking yourself what has changed to give Cygnar this right? Well obviously it’s the rampant spread of purification. You see purification means that Cygnar’s +3 ARM spell on a stick is no longer good. And since every faction in the game definitely has access to purification that renders Jr. a complete waste of points and means that Cygnar needs more durable infantry. Best solution to the problem: Epic Victor Pendrake who makes Gatormen Posse friendly faction models for Cygnar. That would definitely be totally okay and not break the game.

We love swans. Tasty tasty swans.

The problem is my faction and definitely not me!

It happens to all of us at some time. You’re really struggling to win against another faction/caster and as much as you try you can just never pull that win out. Is it because your opponent is good at the game and is playing a good list? No, that’s not likely. Are you really bad at the game? No not that either. It must be the faction you chose to play. Obviously your faction is shit and no matter what other people say that explains your problem perfectly. If someone has the audacity to suggest that maybe the key to Retribution breaking into the competitive scene is people playing them better be sure to get really offended and call them a condescending asshole. Never reflect on the possibility that you’re only alright at the game and could do with elevating your play. This game is a broken mess of stupid combos and player skill obviously has basically no impact on the game. Not that you don’t have skill, obviously, because if it were relevant you’d be amazing but it’s not so you lose. Extra points if you’re condescending while telling someone else that they’re being condescending. Lastly, Ret players please play better. Cheers!

The Withershadow Combine is bad!

So you pay 5 points for these guys right? And what do you get? Well first off their super fragile at 14/16 with 5 wounds each and stealth. Ravagores just shoot that off the table no problem so they’re awful. You get a free upkeep on top of that. What good is that? Cryx casters basically never upkeep spells and there’s never a situation where you’d want to either spend all your focus on debuffs/offensive spells or camp your full stack to be hard to kill. A re-roll that has to be put on the model before that model activates! Order of activation is super difficult and activating your support before the model that does work is way too complicated. That’s just going to ruin your whole turn. They remove upkeeps but it’s only an 11” effective range which is way worse than Epic Eiryss. Sure Eiryss is amazing and you don’t have to roll to hit for this effect, plus it does damage, but if you can’t do it from 19” away it’s basically shit. Lastly they have some kind of shitty magic attack that’s only Magic Ability 7 and so totally misses any enemy model that’s hiding in Cover plus it’s only RNG 10 POW 12 and gives you a soul if you kill something. That’s shit. Also I guess they have Dismantle and some ability that turns a destroyed warjack into a new ‘jack for you? And Terror I guess. So you’re paying 5 points for three models with like 7 abilities total? Yeah, totally shit.

If we were so great we wouldn’t be dead!

Circle players are all super geniuses while Cryx players are dumb.

Circle is the most skill intensive faction in the game and anyone who plays Circle is obviously more skilled and smarter than all other players. All of the complex movement and teleporting tricks of Circle are easily the hardest thing in the game to play no matter what. Even the simplest Circle list is obviously super hard to play. On the opposite end of the spectrum Cryx is super easy to play and requires no skill at all. Any moron can win reliably with Cryx while nobody short of some kind of goddamn genius can win with Circle. If Circle players just started playing Cryx they would be so good at the game that it would cause some kind of singularity event of player skill. In summary, if you don’t play Circle you’re shit.

Hero Thread: See below!

It’s been a good week friends so I’ve got a trio of Hero Threads for you. As some of you may be aware the UK Masters happened last weekend and saw some of Europe’s top players competing in a massive 7 round tournament. One of the boons for plebs like us who couldn’t go (I really wanted to…) is that some of those players have chosen to write up their experiences,. The two I’ve chosen to highlight here are the mystical Jamie P winner of the event and the intense Martin Hornacek winner of Smogcon and the Irish Masters. So on that note I present:

 Our Name is Legion for we are Broken by JamieP

The Report (UK Masters 2013) by Ranhothep

For our last Hero Thread we’ll be traveling back in time a bit to another thread by the Warmachine Wizard of the North Jamie P as he discusses his impending return to Khador and some of his fancy new tech. Check this shit out:

I have returned to you, at the turn of the tide by JamieP

I hope the new Jamie P tech involves Greylord Outriders. I love those guys.

That’s all for this week. Be sure to tune in next week when I’ll be giving you my most immediate impressions of what I read on the forum. This time I’ll type them out by smashing my face into my keyboard in frustration!

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