Coming up with quips to put here is becoming surprisingly difficult. Here’s hoping for a second wind around week 15!
Dear Privateer Press I will buy X if you do Y.
As we all know the best way to communicate with Privateer Press is by posting open letters on the forums since they definitely all read them. Now say you really want a new model designed or want a model changed in some way to make it better? Well obviously you should post an open letter on the forums about that. Make sure to sweeten the deal by swearing that you and all of your hundreds of friends will buy it so that it’s financially viable for PP. Once you’ve done that just sit back and wait because PP would be stupid to not immediately do what you want and make all the changes you desire. After all your money is the best money. Once people start agreeing with you start talking about your letter as a petition so it makes it sound like you might actually get a result from this pointless shit.
Repeating threads is the worst thing!
Don’t you hate it when someone asks a legitimate question that is really similar to one that was already answered in a thread like a week ago? Seriously do these people not read every single thread in all of the forums before they ask questions? I mean it’s not like it’s hard to visit all of the sub-forums every couple of days to make sure a question very similar to your question wasn’t answered recently. Obviously when this happens the only logical response is to make stupid jokes and act like asses. They asked for it really with their stupid decision to write up a post expecting a reasonable response. The worst is obviously new players though. I mean come on new players why are you asking questions about X caster when there’s a sticky tactica that hasn’t been updated in two years that you could read. Even worse is when they post the same question that someone else posted like 5 days ago. Sure that question thread is now on the second page of the Forum and a new poster would have no reason to go trawling for that thread but they should do it anyway dammit! And it’s not like we can just not read that thread! This is the Forums where assholes are assholes for no reason at all!
Nyss Hunters are bad in Ret!
I know what you might be thinking: Nyss Hunters are easily one of the best stand alone units in the game how could they ever be bad? Well obviously other Ret units just do what the Nyss Hunters do but better. Like Invictors have higher POW guns and Combined Arms makes them more accurate. Sure they have shorter range but their once per game +4” range ability fixes that just fine. Now you might point out that Nyss are also Weapon Masters in Melee which is pretty awesome but you’re failing to consider how much better Invictors are in melee. Invictors with Flank also roll the extra for damage and they’re much higher MAT and even a higher POW! Sure you need a warjack in melee with your target to set that up and Invictors only threaten 8.5” to the Nyss Hunters 10” and the Nyss have other abilities like Hunter and Pathfinder but none of those things are really relevant anyway. Okay so maybe you’re not convinced but what about Mage Hunter Strike Force? Sure they can’t CRA and don’t Weapon Master or even really do the same thing at all but they’re better. MHSF are especially amazing since you can basically always roll hard 8’s to hit stuff that a Nyss CRA would only need 6’s to hit. So there you go. Sell your Nyss and never use them Ret players because they are bad.
Everything needs errata!
I hate it when Infernals make rulings that support obvious interpretations of rules and then it doesn’t go into the errata. Some of these rulings make no sense when you read the rules. Like why does Primal cause me to frenzy at the start of my next turn. I mean, I know it says so in the rules for Primal but doing what the rules say is super complicated. Why can’t I just ignore it? Why do the rules work the way they say they do? Don’t you hate it when Infernals answer your rules question by just stating what the correct answer is rather than posting a long philosophical monologue on the meaning of rules as a metaphysical idea. I mean realistically the game is a giant mess of rules that make no sense and is basically unplayable because the rules are so confusing. Extra points for two things in this thread. Firstly arguing that an Infernal might just be wrong in their interpretation of the rules is worth at least one bonus stupid internet point. Secondly, double extra points to the guy who complains that the rules are really difficult to interpret and then can’t understand if someone who wrote a sentence ‘I honestly believed X’ was joking. I’m not sure the problem is the rules buddy, I think you’re just shit at reading.
Hero Thread: Khadoran Warjacks by the Numbers by NateMg
This thread is kind of amazing. It’s a numbers break down of the effectiveness of Khadoran ‘jacks and it includes not one, not two but eight graphs! I’m super impressed that someone took the time to do this and I find it kind of fascinating. In addition to the eight graphs comparing the various warjacks each ‘jack gets its own personal attention via individual analysis. Definitely worth a read.
That’s all for this week gents and Forumites. Remember, don’t post anything I wouldn’t post!